 |
| Teesh is so sweet. She brought these home for me when I received the phone call about my sister. Teesh is such a sensitive kind soul |
I am sorry but this post must be documented. I have so many activities and events in our family that also need to be documented but this weighs heavily so it must get documented first.
Lara Lee, my sister has struggled with alcohol her entire life. She has good stints and then relapses. I have been distanced from it for many reasons. 1) I am not her "go to" we used to be close but really since I got married there has been distance. Heart breaking but when people push.... you move
2) I don't know the world of addiction and I live so far away I didn't feel the need to learn it.
Which brings me to today.
A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from an unknown number and with all the landscaping and house building I have learned to answer these calls as to keep projects rolling. This time it was a faintly familiar voice. I was walking out of costco at the time and could hardly hear the conversation. In time I realized it was my sweet sister LaraLee. She told me she was living in Bluffdale and was my neighbor and was in rehab. My heart dropped but I didn't let her hear it in my voice. I fought back the tears as I listened to her tell me for the first time she was ready to have family support her and not try to attack this beast by herself.
She asked for a few items to be brought to her and informed me of meetings family could attend to learn more in this process.
and thus we are here now. Every Thursday I have been attending 5 hour meetings that are super helpful and then Sunday its visiting hours from 3-6 and then LaraLee calls a few times a week to just connect.
LaraLee wasn't ready for the family to be informed so I have been doing this solo and its been a huge job but I have strong shoulders(so I thought)
On Wednesday, I get a call from Kyle, LaraLee's ex husband, asking if I could pick him up from the hospital. He had total knee replacement and asked if I could pick him up and then asked if he could stay at my house until Monday. Now if I am being completely honest I wanted to say no but I didn't and this is when it all started heading downhill in the biggest way.
Thursday, when I showed up for class, the therapist Heather asked if I would be willing to process with LaraLee. I told her no problem whatever LaraLee needed I was there. During dinner LaraLee and I sat at the table with another therapist named Kat. She asked about my family life the family I grew up in and I said a few things and she jumped all over it like crazy. I think she is trying to help LaraLee and by getting my view point of our childhood she was giddy with the possibility that there would be some break throughs for Lara. After dinner, I attend the family section and the family therapist was all over me allowing Kyle to stay at my house and how LaraLee has 4 hours of unsupervised time on Saturday and how I am in charge of her and the tornado just began swirling and swirling. I did not know about this 4 hour visit and I was so frustrated to be put in this situation.
The last hour is where processing happens and everyone is in the room watching and learning from our process. The therapist had LaraLee position people who represented our family all around the room. People were close or not close. People were looking at her or turned away. It was eye opening to see how LaraLee wanted us in her life. She put Hollie and myself super close to herself but we weren't allowed to look at her. After some more processing LaraLee was asked how she wanted our family dynamics to look. She stated everyone be closer to her and looking at her. She then allowed us to ask her questions. I was challenged by the family therapist to tell LaraLee I was uncomfortable with Kyle staying at my house and getting them together. LaraLee was very upset when the therapist agreed to support me and my decisions to not allow them to get together. She physically shut down and would not interact. I felt so bad but I stuck to my decision.
I asked Pam to go to lunch on Saturday with us as to not have to carry the load alone. I also called Kyle's kids and told them to come get Kyle asap and he could not be around my house or LaraLee on Saturday. Ruffled a few feathers with the kids but eventually Nate agreed to grab Kyle Saturday morning. I had to care for Kyle Thursday Friday and Saturday morning and I was done. Kyle is a difficult guy for me. He is the reason my sister drinks and relapses and I am caring for him and helping him. I am so torn and so confused and frankly I am mad I allowed myself to be put in this situation.
Saturday, Pam, myself and LaraLee went to Apollo Burger for lunch and then sat and talked. Pam asked some hard deep questions and LaraLee didn't really appreciate the questions but we got through them. Pam had a BYU football game so I finished up shopping with Lara and them took her back to Renissanse Ranch.
As I was driving home I completely lost it. I had to pull over on the side of the road and literally cry cry and cry until I could not cry anymore. So many realizations took place. I took a deep honest look and I know Kyle is the most important relationship LaraLee wants. I also know that when Kyle is around LaraLee drinks. She admitted if she drinks again she will die and she asked me to take her to him. Basically she asked me to much from me. During lunch I asked Lara Lee if she really cared if I was there for class or not. She shrugged her shoulders and said only if you want to I am fine either way. It stung!!! I quit book club to support her. I have neglected my babies for her and to find out all I am is vehicle to get her to him my heart couldn't do it. Several Sundays I would show up and a friend would come or Kyle would show up and she would ask me to leave as to not make it awkward for anyone.
Reality checks can be painful. So today I am in search of a sponsor for me. No one has my back NO ONE. I have told a few family members and you want to know how much support they have given me (maybe one phone call) When Laurie the family therapist actually stood up for me and had my back in class was the first time in my life I have felt like someone truly cared. She encouraged me to get a sponsor and set boundaries and so I am. If you don't put me as a priority in your life I won't put you. I am done doing what I "should" so you will be my friend. Its a changing day in my life and it will be hard and I will lose people who I thought were friends even family members who probably won't be in my life much anymore but for the first time in my life I matter and if you can't handle that its your issue.
Friendship is a two way street and my road is open always and forever but when the path is more worn on my end our friendship will be reexamined.
Man this week was hard!! Decisions and progress will always be the best in the end though.
