Art of Desire

Are you sitting down?
Is your seat belt on?
Let's go on a ride, an adventure, that hopefully will be as life changing for you as it was for me.

Thanks for joining me. Wow, so much awesome information I learned. I love learning. I love implementing what I learn. I love improving. I love changing. I love progressing. Contentment is not growing. If you aren't doing things that scare you, you aren't living. I challenge you to do something each day that scares the crap out of you!! Report back and tell me how amazing your life becomes as you adopt this method. There's power in challenging our thoughts and actions.

I am not sure where to start so I will begin with my take aways.
Neediness makes it so we don't get to choose. It's so unattractive. Let me explain. When our partner or ourselves are so needy, requiring those around us to build us and tell us we are good enough it becomes a job and takes the opportunity to choose our spouse and inserts obligation in our relationship. Needy moms create children with a job to take care of their mom and they actually grow resentment towards the mom because they feel like they can't have a better life then their mother without hurting her.

Jennifer showed a video, a Mormon Message. I can't find the title but when I do I will add it.  So powerful this message was.  It portrays this mother "doing all the right things" making breakfast for her children, helping a son who was irresponsible and put off his science fair project, meeting a sister at a park to provide a listening ear, taking dinner to a fellow ward member, watching a neighbors kid so mom can go to Dr. appointment. The video began with a text from a cousin who lives out of state and is inquiring for a visit as she has a lay over in the same city as the woman in the video. This lady is so excited to spend quality time with a cousin. She arranges a sitter for the evening and sets out to accomplish her day. As these service opportunities pile higher and higher she finds herself more exhausted keeping up and even putting her needs on the back burner as others ask for her help. She doesn't feel like she can say no as our leaders encourage us to lose ourselves in the service of others. In the end, the cousin is unable to meet up as her plane was delayed so the woman is upset her "night out" resulted in staying home. Her children begin arguing and the mom was stretched so thin she became angry and yelled at her kids to go to bed. Her son asks if they can have evening prayer and during the prayer one of our prophet's replays through his voice how each act of service is so valuable. For example, the mother going to the Dr. was given the terrible news that her baby had died.
Now before you think I am all against service and what our prophets have to teach us hear me to the end.
In class, we discussed in a thorough manner all the hidden messages portrayed in this 5 minute video and how damaging the message is. Eye opening because as things were mentioned I thought to myself ------yes yes! this has been my concerns for many years! I have found my people.
The message that we should do the right thing and serve and serve and serve needs to stop. We have the right to say no I need to put myself first this time without judgment.
When we give and give it grows resentment if we don't give for the right reason. There's this give-receive cycle and it's real. The message is give give give service is godliness but guess what someone has to receive if someone is giving.  In the video, as the woman continually said yes all day long her service was more about wanting to be seen and controlling her outcomes. If I do this others will think I am good enough or valued or insert what ever is your reason for saying yes when you don't really want to. Also not asking for help is really a sign of arrogance. We convince ourselves its out of kindness but the truth is it is out of arrogance. Not asking for help is saying no one else can do this but me.
So how does this translate into the bedroom and in sexuality. In a marriage, we are taught by well intended leaders that obeying the law of chastity is the highest good. and they are correct but what we need to focus on is why not just do it. Jennifer did her dissertation for her doctorate on LDS women and how they view sexuality. Most of the women in her study which was thousands BTW obeyed out of fear of judgment. What will my bishop think of me. I don't want to disappoint, blah blah. Jennifer wants to change the message that we obey the law of chastity because want to not because of an outside source. She said those ladies who chose to keep their virtue out of saving it for love in a marriage experience the oneness that is intended in a marriage. The ones who either broke the law of chastity so a boyfriend would like them or stay with them suffer to a large degree in their marriage to obtain an orgasm and a closeness in their marriage.
Jennifer said the best way to help our youth as you explain the importance of keeping the law of chastity is to explain how it is a natural response when exposed to visual or touch. Nothing wrong with the arousal you experience and its best to talk about the arousal but what our culture does is shame people for getting aroused and so it keeps hidden which promotes pornography and masturbation. She actually encourages masturbation (gasp) she said we must be able to understand how our body responds in order to fully experience all that making love offers. An orgasm is not the end all, its one small part of making love. We are after the emotion and physical connection. I was just siting there going(happy dance in my head) you go girl. To say I identified with her words is a huge understatement. I have found so much peace in her words and this course I took.

I have hours and hours to share I won't but I do want this message shared Women have more purpose than to satisfy your partner and birth children. It is not selfish to put yourself above your children and your spouse. And if you are in a relationship where your spouse doesn't step up and give you a few days to be you then hire a sitter. He can use his "Time off work" for you. I promise you'll be a more complete mother and wife for the time off. You are worth it. Remember the analogy of the airplane, put your oxygen mask on yourself first then your children. We can only give as much as we have. If our tanks are empty or low our family suffers. The commandment found in John "Love your neighbor as ye love yourself" what does that commandment say? oh love yourself first. So friends say no, its ok, someone else can make the dinner or bring a dish to the funeral. Please serve that's not what I am saying but serve out of love not out of neediness or validation. I hope this makes sense. It's such a beautiful message.
So now let's fast forward to a few days ago when Corby and I were attending a family funeral and one of Corby's cousins came up and asked him if he calls his mom often. Corby replied with probably not as often as I should but yes I do. His cousin looked him square in the eyes and said you need to be there for your mom it's your responsibility. I just was stunned. The guts others have and how pushy we are as church members to force our view points onto others. I put into practice what I just learned and responded to my husband you do what feels right to you, remove shame and guilt. This is a new day and this church we belong to as much as I love it revolves around shame, punishment and should have's but not for our house. As for me and my house we will do what we feel is right not what other's expect. And if you are wondering how we will handle when family tells us what we should do our response is "Thanks for sharing"

Thanks for listening to me as I recount the take aways. I loved this class. I loved the message and I hope you will take away that you get to choose what you want. Heavenly Father gave us a brain, talents, and he expects us to create and do good. So get out there and do good. Do good in your home. Do good in your neighborhood. Do good for YOU. Leave judgement at the door and choose love. Everyone has a journey and they are doing the best they can just like you are. You want others to give you the benefit right so be the first to give the benefit to a stranger or loved one. Remember you are a literal daughter of God and he created your body for pleasure and joy. Good girls enjoy sex and are not sluts. Oh there's so much.
But I will close.
Deep Thoughts and I hope you explore your body and find out what creates the most pleasure for you. You are worth it! and please talk openly with your children and remove shame when your kids explore. They deserve a safe place to learn and grow.