Heavy Heart

Man, life can sure gut punch you sometimes. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason; there are no coincidences.
When "hard" gets placed in front of you, you can trust or you can become bitter and angry. It's really that simple. Now, by no means do I want to give off the impression that just because you choose to trust that it's easy, quite the contrary, but when you know that hard is happening for your own good and growth it makes it easier to endure. When I am asked to endure hard I focus on knowing that what I allow myself to learn as I endure hard helps me to see the good in all situations.
So on to the reason for this post.
I am writing from a very vulnerable position but being vulnerable provides growth and improvement and that is my greatest goal to improve and be better today than I was yesterday. I get to look in the mirror often and accept the good, bad, and ugly of what makes me. So as I mentioned I am a seminar junkie and typically I attend these classes alone. I don't mind going alone, it allows me to fully focus on me and get to know new people around me. Now as I don't mind going alone I also wouldn't mind if every once in awhile I attended with friends or family.  So imagine my joy when
a family member invited me to attend a 3 day this coming May. Yay! So fun to spend 3 days with really great people learning and growing. Win Win Win until I purchased my tickets and then got the phone call. Because of previous conversations about me, her in laws "would rather not" have me attend with them. I can understand their point of view and I can totally understand not mixing sides but the part that is the hardest is that someone has an opinion and shares it and everyone sides with this one opinion not allowing the other side(my side) to even be acknowledged. So I am just hurt, deeply hurt. To be un-invited was probably the most hurtful thing that has ever happened to me in the past 5 years. I hung up the phone, cried a good long hour and then decided here's the hard Jennifer, here's where you get to show your true colors. Here's where you get to assume better on the other side and not worse. So I will attend yet again alone and I will enjoy myself as I continue to learn how to become a better me.
So I allowed myself to cry, hard ugly cry, and then I allowed myself to see my ownership in the situation and then I provided compassion to myself for the injustice of it all. You know after a few hours I am good. Does it still sting? of course. Knowing that others form opinions about you without even knowing you is hard. Knowing that others are not even willing to spend time with you due to others opinions is so hurtful.
I am recording this because I want my posterity to read how I handled hard and that they can handle hard too. Hard doesn't have to destroy us its a choice to have it strengthen us.
I also am spending time trying to understand what could have been said for others to form such harsh judgment and if I truly am at fault for such harsh judgment. Verdict is......I don't know. I know I am not perfect and I know that I have said things in the past that were not ok but I have truly tried to right my wrongs and if others can't forgive and see change thats no longer on me. I also understand others can be sensitive, very sensitive and can read into and misunderstand situations due to sensitivity. Neither wrong or right just helped me to see that others perspectives play a huge role in how people respond to situations.
Love will always win and sometimes me not being around is the answer and that feels right. So for today I will limit my interactions and allow others the space they need and I will allow space for others to feel better and I can be ok from a distance so that is my choice. No ill feelings towards all parties just love.
Girls, I hope as hard comes in your life you will do several things.
1) see your ownership in situation and be the change
2) know that just because someone said it doesn't make it correct
3) what others think of you is none of your business
4) You are enough
5) set boundaries and if others choose to not respect its ok and Christlike to walk away
6) getting revenge never works "hurt people hurt people" so when others are mean choose to see them  as a hurt little child
7) love is the answer
8) Your mistakes don't define you
9) Forgiveness is key for your happiness
10) Find one confidant and share your hurt, get it out and move on.

So there you go. I hope it helps and I hope you see the wisdom in my words. Hard is hard but but you are stronger than anything placed in front of you. You are a literal child of a Supreme All knowing God so if he can do it you can do it. It's in your genes.
Love